Sands New Zealand : Pregnancy, Baby and Infant Loss Support

Who/what is Sands?

Sands New Zealand is a network of parent-run, non-profit groups supporting families who have experienced the death of a baby. We have over 25 groups/contact people around the country.

All of the people involved in Sands give their time and energy voluntarily - we are not a government funded organisation. We do not have a national office or any paid staff. Most of our members/supporters are also bereaved parents.

We offer empathy and understanding. We are not counsellors and do not give professional advice but we do offer an opportunity and environment to share experiences, to talk and to listen. We promote awareness, understanding and support for those dealing with the death of a baby in pregnancy, birth or as a newborn, and due to medical termination or other forms of reproductive loss. We are registered with the Charities Commission.

You can see an interview with Joan Curle here with some of what happens in Sands Wellington/Hutt Valley.

History of Sands New Zealand

1986 - Here is the story of how Sands first got established in New Zealand, in the words of the person who started it all, Rosemary Westley (formerly Willams) ...

'On February 18th 1986 my beautiful baby daughter Holly was stillborn. It was like nobody had ever had this happen to them before. I found that there was no support and no information on having a stillborn baby. Some of the practices were appalling such as the baby being given to me in a paper shawl, not unlike the paper towels that are found in public toilets. Photos weren't taken, advice wasn't given in those early initial days of even how to prepare the funeral. Emotions were raw and the topic was kept quiet.

After some weeks I had the strong urgency to do something about this. I didn't want anyone to go through what we had gone through. We were very lucky having a fantastic and caring Hospital Chaplin, Rev Eric Kearse. We spoke at great length and decided to have a meeting of those interested in forming a group. The response was great and in the April of 1986 we held the first meeting in Palmerston North. Twenty couples came along and the honesty and friendship and tears were welcomed, and from then on monthly meetings took place.

I still needed to do more. I wanted to write and have something that newly breaved parents could have to help them through those dark days, months and years to follow. I set about researching as much as I could. I came across a book by the famous actress Susan Hampshire, who wrote " A Maternal Instinct" after she had also experienced a stillbirth. I contacted her and gained a huge wealth of information.

After many months of research I was finally satisfied with my work and in 1988 I published the booklet " S.A.N.D.S: A caring guide for parents of stillborn babies and babies that die shortly after birth". Over 3000 copies were printed and they were sent all over New Zealand. That is now 20 years ago and I have been told that there are still some around. That was the first book on such a subject in New Zealand written for New Zealanders.

Since then I have had many enquiries on how to set up a group, permission to write more books and many groups have been formed to help. I feel so very proud that you have all been touched in some way in what I have done and I am so grateful that so many of you have continued to improve and extend the services to those in need. '

1997 - Indrea Alexander started work as the first (unpaid) national coordinator. Through her efforts and alongside Libby Gairdner Cooney from Sands Waikato the first SANDS conference was held. A national constitution was also developed and implemented.

1999 - the second national SANDS conference was held in Napier; the theme was 'All Our Babies'.

2001 - the third national SANDS conference was held in Wellington; the theme was 'Hidden Treasures'.

2003 - the fourth national SANDS conference was held in Napier; the theme was 'Past, Present and Future Hope'.

2005 - the fifth national SANDS conference was held in Wellington; the theme was 'Grieving and Growing'. SANDS' first website was also launched at the conference, this initiative was spearheaded by Tiffiny Hodgson, the Chairperson of SANDS.

2006 - SANDS NZ's first paid position was established through the Vodafone World of Difference award. The position was National Projects Coordinator and was held for 12 months by Vicki Culling. This position helped to redevelop SANDS nationally and reinstitute communication amongst the groups and contact people throughout the country. (The funding was for 12 months only so unfortunately at the end of 2006 we returned to having no paid worker/s). We also held our first national training weekend in Wellington in November - thanks to the generosity of the Tindall Foundation.

2007 - From SANDS to Sands - we re-branded! A new logo, new colours and new support packs were introduced. A new pamphlet on the transporting of a deceased baby was also developed and launched. The sixth national Sands conference was held in Christchurch; the theme was 'Living, Loving, Remembering'.

2008 - Our website was re-designed to incorporate our new branding. The Ministry of Health printed 4000 Sands Support Packs which were distributed by Sands groups around the country. Our third annual national training weekend was held in Wellington on 7-9th November. Over 50 Sands supporters from around the country attended the training!

2009 - Sands introduced a new resource - the Certificate of Life. This is a certificate primarily for parents whose baby or babies die before 20 weeks gestation, but it is available for all parents. There is an A5 and A4 size certificate. Our seventh biennial conference was held in Auckland in early August. The theme was taken from our strap line 'A Little Life, Not a Little Loss'.

2010 - We held our fifth national training weekend in Wellington from 20-22nd August. Again, we had over 50 Sands members from around the country attending! We also gave out our inaugural Sands NZ Honorary Life Membership Awards.

What 'services' does Sands offer?

Sands Support Packs - these are produced by Sands New Zealand and are usually provided to bereaved parents, families or whanau by the hospital staff or a midwife. They contain practical information for parents, grandparents and siblings after a baby has died. The pamphlets are entitled 'The Next Few Days', 'Your Baby's Funeral', 'Fathers Grieve Too', 'When a Baby Brother or Sister Dies', The Loss of a Grandchild' and 'Transporting Your Baby'.

Certificate of Life - these are primarily produced for parents whose baby or babies have died before 20 weeks gestation. In NZ, babies born prior to 20 weeks are not officially recognised. However, all parents are welcome to receive one or both of these certificates. The A4 size has space for a photo or hand and foot prints. The certificates are available through hospitals and Sands groups.

Moses Baskets - some groups provide Moses baskets, clothing, bath packs and teddy bears to their local hospitals who give them to families whose babies have died. Many families are not prepared for such an event, so the baskets and baby things help them to parent their baby during the short time they have with them.

Inkless Print Kits - Sands Manukau are able to provide inkless print kits. They can be contacted via their website www.sandsmanukau.co.nz, by sending an email to admin@sandsmanukau.co.nz or phoned on 0800SANDS4U. Sands Manukau are able to provide these kits directly to parents, to all Sands groups nationwide, to hospitals, funeral homes or any other relevant group.

Phone Contact - Sands volunteers can provide phone support to bereaved parents and families. If you are unable to make the first call please ask a family member, friend or your LMC to contact us and we can then call you.

Meetings - Regular support meetings in the community allow for the expression of loss and grief in a safe and caring environment. Parents who share similar experiences can often listen, acknowledge and accept feelings that others may find hard to comprehend. The group meetings offer a non-judgemental space to share stories, concerns and feelings.

Library Books - Some groups operate a lending library, books can be posted out or collected at local support group meetings.

Newsletters - Some groups produce regular newsletters. These provide an alternative forum for sharing stories and poems and gaining information on the Sands group and any upcoming events either in the local area or nationally.

Counselling - We receive many inquiries about counselling as many people assume we are set up to provide a counselling service. We wish we could! Unfortunately, we are not in a position to provide any funded counselling services through our groups. Please make contact with your local group and they can give you details of counsellors in your local area.

* Please note that Sands groups around the country may offer different support 'services', as our groups run autonomously and reflect their local community.

Sands New Zealand Goals

Sands New Zealand goals are:

To support parents and their families who have experienced a stillbirth, newborn death or other reproductive loss;
To provide parents and their families with information too assist them to make informed decisions regarding their loss;
To provide ongoing education to health professionals and other caregivers about the experience of stillbirth, newborn death or other reproductive loss;
To raise public awareness of the society (Sands), the service it provides and issues relating to stillbirth, newborn death or other reproductive loss;
To promote the implementation of health care policies in accord with the philosophical statement set forth below;
To promote research into the causes and consequences of stillbirth, newborn death or other reproductive loss;
To network with other organisations which hold similar aims to Sands (New Zealand)

Sands New Zealand Philosophical Statement

That the death of a baby through reproductive loss often has a significant and lifelong impact on the lives of women, their partners and families;
That parents and their families must be supported through recognition, acceptance and acknowledgment of their diverse experience of loss;
That partnerships with health practitioners, community groups, grief and bereavement services, the Government and wider community are crucial to raising awareness of the experience and impact of stillbirth and newborn death;
That the diversity of individuals with regard to culture, religion, socio-economic standing, gender and uniqueness of grief reactions must be acknowledged and respected.

Caring for Families Experiencing Stillbirth: a Unified Position Statement on Contact with the BabySands NZ was involved in this collaborative piece of work with 16 other organisations from around the world. This is a statement about the care of bereaved parents written by bereaved parents. We hope it will be read and embraced by all health and caring professionals.

We see this statement as an extension of the Sands NZ ‘Three-point Model of Care’ in which we recommend bereaved parents are the ones who should parent their baby, rather than others doing it for them.

While the statement was written with stillbirth in mind, it can be applied to all experiences of perinatal and infant loss. We welcome you to copy this statement and disseminate it to whomever and wherever you think it may help.

A copy of this statement can be downloaded from here

Position Statement (0.34MB)

Sands NZ Honorary Life Members

In August 2010, Sands NZ instigated Honorary Life Membership. Through this award, we recognise the valuable contribution of individuals to Sands at both a local and national level. We also acknowledge their involvement in raising awareness of baby loss and supporting parents, families and whanau following the death of a baby.

Recipients:

Malia Fasi-Hill, Sands Canterbury

Shirley Rolfe, Sands Gisborne

Frank Rolfe, Sands Gisborne

Joan Curle, Sands Wellington/Hutt Valley

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